He Never Knew Her Name
by sachiko2
Summary: Ever wondered what Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's mother relationship was like? Please read for my own take of their relationship. Pre-series, I sincerely hope you enjoy this fanfiction.


He dipped white cloths in ice water and held them over his wounds. The crystal trickle of water ran down his arm, cleansing the blood. 

_Chikushou_. 

He wrapped a bandage around it as blood stained the cloth and formed it's crimson petals. He wiped his forehead and leaned back against the cold wall of his room. It stunk of blood and straw. The sliding door was hesitatently drawn open. _IT_ had arrived. 

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" uttered the human nitwit. The nitwit whom his lord and father chose for a mate. The nitwit who possessed stringy black hair and dark eyes. The nitwit dressed in rich robes his own mother wore. 

"What do you want?" Sesshoumaru's words resonated off the walls in a rich deepness. He crossed his arms, peering hard into those fool's eyes. 

"Since... we'll be together for quite some time," she paused to chew on a hang nail. "We should come to know each other better." She quickly glanced to see his reaction, then turned her head around. Like a puppet. 

"No." Sesshoumaru's words were harsh. "I would rather not wish to waste my time with a foolish human. "No. I would rather spend time in the cellar." 

The cellar was an infestion of mold and rats and smelled like rotten corpses. In fact, his lord did throw the occasional deceased retainer in there. 

"I did not think you would accept my offer right away." She smiled weakly. "I will see you at meal time then." 

"No. You will not." 

"...." She got up and walked slowly out the room, robes dragging as she went. The room smelled better right away. Sesshoumaru let his head rest on his knee just for a moment. Just a moment. 

That damn human. All polite with her manners, what a bitch. Why did father ever gaze upon her ugly face? Why did father give up mother for a slut like that? 

Sesshoumaru decided he definitely would not show up for supper. His stomach felt twisted from the stench of that damned whore. 

  
  
  
  


That fucking girl!! Wagging and using her foolish tongue to spread lies! Who the hell does she think she is??! Sesshoumaru bit his lip to prevent himself from crying. He was lying on the rough, woven tatami mats in his room, nursing his injured body. He felt his limbs and body throb with dim pain, the worst already over. 

_I'm trying to be closer with you!! Why can't you see that??!_

That bitch's words rang in his ear, annoying as the racket humans make on New Years with popping firecrackers and loud gongs. It never occured to her that he didn't want to be close with her and it would be better if they never spoke with each other. 

Damn woman. 

Leave me alone. You don't understand a thing that's going on. Go away and become a demon's meal or something. He winced. He felt his arm throb and emit a soft noise, letting it's master know of it's pain. He bit his lip and untied his yukata's fastenings, letting the cool silks run down his body like water. He hunched over and licked his wounds as a common dog would do. After all, that is what he is to his father. A fucking mutt. 

  
  
  
  


Bruises soon appeared, winking their ugly eyes at the bright sun. Sesshoumaru wore stuffy kimonos, even with the summer's deadly heat. Everyday he would retreat to his room to nurse his injuries inflicted by his lord. Because he didn't _properly respect his mate._ I don't care anymore. He always said to respect every new mate that came from the concubines. They were always short lived. Just like his mother. 

Rain droplets fell from the sky and swirled the dry dirt into pretty patterns. It pounded the ground with a fierce intensity, as his mother used to hold him. Sesshoumaru stood in the rain. He liked the feeling of cool beads against his heated skin. 

Lift my spirits and bring back my mother... 

  
  
  
  


That fool had no idea of what she was getting into. After his lord noticed his mate's increasing roundness, he tried feeding her less to make her change back to the pretty little trinket she was. It made things worse. She sobbed and wailed and begged for food. It was pathetic. She pregnant with one of his lord's pups. Like his mother was. And look what happened to her. 

  
  
  
  


I think the pregnancy makes her more maternal. She combs her hair more often and walks around the courtyard with a formal air. She bows politely to everyone who passes and farts and belches less. She is more quiet and serene. 

Thank God. 

I don't think I could ever stand her being bitchy forever. 

  
  
  
  


Sesshoumaru awoke to hear quiet cries. Quiet cries that are being hidden so they wake no one. Sesshoumaru slipped on a yukata, regardless of his remaining injuries, and runs towards the source. His feet padded softly on the ornate wood as he searched through the halls. A sliding door was a touch open, but enough for sound to escape. And he heard feminine tears fall and hit the wood floor without grace. He pushed the door open to see his lord's mate crying on the floor. 

Her shoulders heaved slightly as her eyes push out more salty liquid. Her hair fell down her body like a raven waterfall. He sits next to her. 

"What's wrong?" Sesshoumaru is surprised at the gentleness in his voice. 

"Nothing.." Her voice cracks as she tries to swallow the rest of the tears. "Nothing... everything is just fine..." 

She blows her nose on the sleeve of her night kimono and wipes it on the mat. She has her hand on her swollen abdomen. 

"The fuck everything is fine. You better tell me what is really happening." Sesshoumaru said. Her eyes blinked, spilling more silver liquid. She lifted her other hand to her face, wiping away the excess. 

"Please. I really don't want to..." Her eyes were as glossy as porcellain dolls from their crying. She really looked miserable. 

Sesshoumaru got up and left without another word. 

  
  
  
  


He stopped by her room again the next afternoon. She looked much better since last night. She was sipping green tea and chatting with another concubine. They joked about her pregnancy and started coming up with ideas for the baby's name. 

His mother got to name him and that was it. 

They chopped her into chunks of bleeding flesh and fed her to starved demons in a pit. How lovely. 

He left the room, old nausea and disgust returning. 

  
  
  
  


He was combing his hair when she appeared in the doorway. She was wearing a simple yukata with just a flower blossom in the middle. He continued combing his hair. 

"Sesshoumaru..." 

He chose not to reply. 

"I'd like... to thank you for last night." She chose her words carefully. Sesshoumaru hated that. 

"It's OK. I was bored anyway." He wanted his words to sting more, but held back because his lord might be spying from the halls. He winced when the comb got stuck in a knot. 

"Here. Let me." She said, getting up and taking the comb from him before he could say anything. She placed her hands on his shoulder, holding him down with gentle force. She parted a section of his silver hair and combed through it with angelic grace. 

It felt so good. 

Her soft fingers sifted through knots with ease and massaged parts of his scalp where his lord grabbed the strands and threw him. 

He resisted the urge to fall into her lap. He was always weak when it came to his hair. He closed his eyes in bliss and tried to remember that she was a lowly human, and one of inferior status. But it felt so good... 

  
  
  
  


"Okaa-sama! Look at this pretty flower!!" A child Sesshoumaru dressed in a dirty yukata ran through a field of flowers, holding a bunch of common ones. His mother picked him up and hugged him tightly, cloud-white hair blowing in the cool autumn breeze. 

"Saa! Maru-chan, they're so pretty!" His mother examined each blossom and cooed at how beautiful each one was. He was so happy, being held close to his mother and her wonderful scent. So snug and warm, so happy... 

  
  
  
  


"Sesshoumaru?" 

His eyes snapped open, unsure of his location. Was he in the field of flowers or this trapped hell? He looked around, seeing the dark furniture and moldy futons. He wanted to cry because he wanted his mother back. It was foolish. 

"Sesshoumaru?" She sat up straighter. He was leaning against her when he was sleeping. He immediately stood up and ran out of the room, feet thudding against the hard wood. 

I want my mother. I don't care if I have to raise her from the dead, I want her! 

He flicked away a crystal tear with a long finger and continued to run. It didn't matter where. He just wanted to run. 

  
  
  
  


The baby was born a rainy September. The air was heavy and humid and the rain steamy. Inuyasha's cries rang clear through the night. The tiny puppy squirmed in his parent's hold, face still scrunched up and wet. 

Poor thing. 

Hopefully you will not end up as I, Sesshoumaru. 

  
  
  
  


Maybe I should have known her better. Maybe I should've have apologized to her for my unkindness. It all seems so insignificant now. No no, she's not dead. Just... hiding. 

After Inuyasha was old enough to walk, she plucked him from his basket and fled. I can't really blame her. If I was a woman and produced a child, I probably would have too. I wish my mother had done that. Maybe then I wouldn't have turned out like this. 

  
  
  
  


He went for a walk along the stream, watching carp dart between the surface and water. Life was quiet without the woman. He pondered for a moment if he really missed her. Can't say he did. She always shrieked with joy with every little thing Inuyasha did. Inuyasha say, "I go poo." she say, "Ooooo!! He spoke!!" Sesshoumaru dug his foot into the grass, uprooting some blades. All he could really say he liked about her was how she combed his hair. He felt like he was back with his sweet mother. 

He tripped over a root, obviously intent on ruining his already awful day. As he picked himself up from the dirt, cursing, he noticed a spot of blood. 

Deadly crimson red. 

As Sesshoumaru continued his walk, he noticed the blood splotches getting bigger and newer. Finally, huge splashes of red decorated the trees and dripped down like sap. The whole area was red. 

  
  
  
  


A demon was gnawing on a human bone. Ants streamed in and out of the dead corpse, carrying chunks of flesh. Flies buzzed around the rotting flesh. The victim's kimono was saturated in blood. A baby cried. A baby with dog ears and hair spun from clouds... 

  
  
  
  


He brought Inuyasha home, carrying him gently and bathing him in warm water. He dried his hair, making it frizzy and tangled, and put on a clean robe for him. Inuyasha gurgled, but still cried. Tears stained his was clean face and he needed to be wiped. Sesshoumaru did all of this without complaint. This baby was the only remnant of the woman. He burned the remains and scattered the ashes throughout the field of flowers he visited as a child. 

To think, he never knew her name. 

He held Inuyasha up in the dim light, watching the light reflect and shadow the baby's features. He was actually quite cute with his arms flailing in glee. 

Maybe he'll raise this baby like his mother would've raised him. 

Maybe things will be different. 

Maybe we'll all be happy in this wretched world. 

Maybe we'll even live happily ever after. 

Inuyasha squealed, chubby arms wrapping around Sesshoumaru's yukata. 

He smiled. 


End file.
